The Waiting Room

 

I must start this entry by apologising to all of you who have tried to contact me over this past while, for not being in touch with any of you, and for not keeping up with the diary. I must also apologise to many of you for not visiting many of the towns I usually get round to on this particular tour. However, as you may understand from the following passages, life isn’t always that easy, as things like travelling by car have become very painful.

I’ve been working hard at stuff, but not the kind of stuff I would have been working on a year or so ago. As some of you have noticed, I have needed to have a couple of cushions to sit on in order to play for this past year. I have been in quite a lot of pain. At first we thought that it was prostate related, and indeed that may still be relevant, but just recently we have managed to discover more.

I have seen four specialists and I am on my way to a fifth. The one I have just seen listened to me list my symptoms and then told me what I had suspected for a long time, that it sounded spine related. I had known that, but I hadn’t really put it together with the pain. So off I went for the ct scan. I am not able to have an MRI scan, which would possibly tell us more, because that utilizes electro magnetic gear, and I have the steel coils in my lungs!

The scan has revealed some trouble at the lower end of the lumbar spine. Along with the pain that I’ve been experiencing there has also been a progression of neurological symptoms such as pain and sensation changes in my feet and legs. The scan requires some further investigation and I am awaiting a full neurological assessment. The pain has been with me for fourteen months now. It’s difficult to live with, but I’m making out, or trying to. The most difficult thing is sitting down. The pain is roughly at the back of my coccyx, but in all probability emanates from further up my back. This means that the only way I am able to sit is to have the coccyx in mid air, i.e. Not touching anything. This doesn’t alter the pressure on my back, but it does stop the pain from becoming too intense to remain seated.

It’s very difficult to sit for longer than minutes, and so the things that I used to do, like sit and think whilst I was writing, or indeed, just sit and write, are now consigned to the past, indeed, I now look upon that sort of thing as past luxury. I have a certain amount of renewed hope at present, because if it is just a question of manipulation then I might very well be able to live a more normal life again. Hope hope. But I can still laugh as loud as ever. And as usual I’m very happy to be on earth.

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